Forgiveness

What Should I Do When I Have Made Mistakes?

The English writer, Alexander Pope, (1688–1744) made the well known statement: ‘To err is human, to forgive is divine’.   And err we do – over and over and over.  It is comforting to know that erring is part of being human, but what should we do when we make mistakes?  And especially, what is the remedy when our mistakes rise to the level of hurting others?  Principle 10 gives a solution to this problem, a problem with which many of us struggle. This Principle says ‘At bedtime, feeling the presence of God, repent for any wrongs committed. Beg forgiveness in a supplicant mood and prayerfully resolve not to allow repetition of the same.’  This tenth Principle of Heartfulness may have been the hardest of all for me to embrace. It is so easy to see the wrongs of others, but to see one’s own wrongs is a very different matter!

The bottom line from Principle 10 is that I can either hold onto my own creations (e.g., thoughts and reactions to wrongs committed, guilt, frustrations that led to them), or I can let them go and allow space in my heart for the vibration of ‘oneness’ to take their place.  Babuji’s Commentary on the Principles provides great insight into how to overcome wrongs.  Daaji, my current spiritual guide, has talked about changes to the nervous system that form through repeating mistakes over and over again and through wallowing in those mistakes. From reading what both Babuji and Daaji said about Principle 10, I realize that first I need to be willing to admit to ‘wrongs committed’ before I can overcome the resulting behaviors and can undo the neural networks that have formed.  Second, I need to repent for the mistakes. (More about repentance in a minute).  Third, I need help to remove the effects of mistakes because they are deep in my spiritual being; I can’t remove the effects by myself alone.  Fourth, any help I get should come from a person of sufficient spiritual capacity to actually help me. Next, humility is paramount; it is only with humility that I can see the errors and mistakes that I have committed and ask for help in a prayerful manner.  And lastly, I need to prayerfully resolve not to commit the mistake(s) again.

Admitting mistakes and wrong doings requires a willingness to look at myself in a clear-eyed manner.  Through the Heartfulness practices, my old conceptions are gradually being cleared away so that I can see without the filters that make me hold onto my ways of doing and being.  For example, for many years, I had such a perception of the ‘righteousness of my perspective’ that it was impossible to truly appreciate the other person’s perspective. For many years, I was not aware of this aspect of my ‘self.’  This problem doesn’t appear to be unique to me; today’s political environment in the US and elsewhere provides a sad example.  For my part, the sense of ‘righteousness’ led to forceful attempts to ‘get my way’ in all manner of things – home, work, and miscellaneous every day events.  In so doing, I cannot begin to count the wrongs committed. Each year, I find myself more able to begin to see things from a 360-degree perspective without judgment or preconceived notions. The more honest I am with myself, and the less I think I am ‘right,’ the more likely I am to embrace the reality of a situation. Admittedly, this is a challenge for me, an ongoing task, but a rewarding one. 

The second important concept in this Principle is that of ‘repentance’ which is directly related to asking for forgiveness. One of the definitions of the word ‘repent’ is to feel regret or contrition (Merrriam-Webster). Feeling regret, I could be moved to ask for forgiveness. However, I have come to appreciate that Babuji used the term ‘repent’ to mean ‘to change one’s mind’ (also a definition from Webster). As I now understand the process, I can feel regret or contrition and ask for forgiveness; but if I stop there, I run the risk of wallowing in the wrongs committed. In that case, all I am doing is creating yet more impressions and complexities in myself. In contrast, repentance as used by Babuji is accomplished by turning my thought away from the wrongs and asking for help in a truly penitent and supplicant manner.

From yogic traditions, I have come to appreciate that the wrongs I have committed leave an imprint on my spiritual being. I will have to undergo their effects at some point in my spiritual journey.  When I think about the myriad of mistakes committed, not just today, but over all time, I realize it would be impossible for me to remove all their effects on my own. This brings me to the third point - I truly do need help to remove the effects of the millions of wrongs I have committed if I want to do so in this lifetime! 

Fourth, I need help from someone with sufficient spiritual capacity to actually help me in this process.  When learning anything difficult (e.g., tennis, mathematics, business, carpentry) one benefits greatly from working with a person who is themself deeply skilled in that task.  To travel a spiritual path is not easy and indeed is the most difficult task that I have tackled!  By its very nature, a spiritual journey is one of transformation from a focus on the individual self to that of unity with all.  I truly need the help of a guide who has traveled far enough along that path to show me the way.

I have a found such a guide who is teaching me to find the deepest part of my own self, to find the ‘Master within myself’.  In this process, it is necessary to admit to myself the wrongs that I have committed and – importantly –to be up front with my guide as to what I see in myself.  I share these wrongs in the silence of my meditation because communication with my guide ultimately is communication with the deepest part of my own self.  Sometimes I write letters – letters that I rarely send.  Willingness to convey what I am experiencing often is sufficient to allow me to grow from the experience, rather than become ‘stuck’ in it.

To share wrongdoings with one’s guide requires a gradual development of humility. Think of a child of two or three years old who has been naughty.  He looks to his Mom after creating a mess, giggles, and lets her clean up the mess. No guilt, no contrition – he just hands it over and moves on. Now the only way to have this kind of humility is to become ‘childlike’. It is when I feel self-importance, that I also feel contrition and guilt over mistakes. This is easy in concept; just give it all up and giggle at my wrongs, my stupidities, my lack of humanity toward another – whatever it was. In practice, it’s not so easy. I find it helpful to do two things: first to observe myself minutely – not just my behavior, but importantly also my thoughts; second – to try to let go of my ownership of those thoughts and behaviors. For me, this latter requires a lot of practice because of the lifelong habit of taking responsibility for myself – apparently one of my first sentences was ‘let me do it’!

Principle 10 says that I should beg for forgiveness in a supplicant mood. For a long time, this was really difficult for me because I equated supplication with begging.  I have come to understand that a supplicant mood is a state of humility. It is far easier to beg than to develop humility, but I really don’t want to be a beggar. Hard as it may be, I would much rather develop humility, no matter how long that takes!  In a state of humility one can let go of being the ‘in charge person’. Indeed, to let go of feeling in charge is critical to mastering Principle 10 and is, in fact, the crux of this entire spiritual pathway.  I have come to appreciate that the supplicant state (the state if humility) allows for space to be created in my inner being – space that is a vacuum allowing for something to flow in that is greater and grander than my ‘self.’

Prayerfully resolve to not repeat the mistake(s) is the next ingredient. Resolving not to commit the mistake again helps me because I am playing my part in this spiritual development.  Additionally, thought is powerful; the very thought that I won’t do this again helps to set me in the direction of overcoming the behavior.  If I resolve in a state of prayerfulness to not repeat my mistakes, I am doing so while in touch with the deepest and most pure part of my being – from a place of humility and willingness to be helped.

What I now understand about the wrongs I have committed is the following: I need to acknowledge the mistakes and beg forgiveness.  When I repent (change my thinking) and give them up to God, or nature, or the universe (or however one thinks of this), when I let go without asking for anything prayerfully and in a mood of supplication or humility -- then something shifts within me that can be filled with the divine current. When that space is filled with the divine, there is no longer room for my old burdens, and the divine current can now wash them away.  This concept of creating space through my own thoughts and with the help of a guide seems quite contrary to everything I have learned as a scientist.  Yet, as the saying goes ‘the proof is in the pudding’.  For me, the proof is in seeing the changes that have occurred and continue to occur through this process. Finally, by resolving not to commit these mistakes again, I am cooperating with the process of transformation.

Babuji ends this commentary by suggesting that the best time for this prayer is at bedtime because at that point in the day, one is free of engagements and obligations; the mind is at rest from daily requirements.  This is the time of day when one can prayerfully ask for help in humility and without distractions. To paraphrase something that Daaji has said – this can help me to become a better version of myself.

Portia Nelson:  There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk – the Romance of Self Discovery

1)    I walk down the street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost … I am hopeless

It isn’t my fault

It takes forever to find a way out.

2)    I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

3)    I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in … it’s a habit

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

4)    I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

5)    I walk down another street.

.